Apr 20, 2007

My agenda and learning to say NO!

Today I have an agenda. I have errands to run & I want to pick up my house. I want it neat and tidy so that I have a nice clean space to get cretive in. Things went a little crazy here toward the middle of the week- the weather being nice and all. We didn't spend much time in the house but the time we did spend, it got messy. Somehow, everyone forgot to clean u after themselves. So- that's what I'm going to do today. End of story.
I get a call from my cousin-in-law. We don't speak much and I have my reasons for that. I just don't want to be associated with the drama. So I stay away. She was calling just as I was leaving to take the kids to school. I didn't answer because4 I knew what this was about. Also, I needed to get going as we were already running behind schedule.
As soon as I walk in the door it was my dh on the phone. Apparently she called his cell phone. He is away on travel so he called me back to tell me that she called. I told him I knew. Well her son had missed his bus and she needed a ride to take him to school. Now normally I would drop what I was doing but get this...she only ever calls when she needs something and I am always the last resort. I wonder if she ever thought about that. I wondered out loud to my husband why she doesn't call a friend, someone who she talks to frequently. Can't they help her out? I am surely not the only person she knows of who is home during the day.
The last time she asked me to do a favor she called at 8:30 at night to ask me if I'd pick up a script for her at the pharmacy by 9 when they close. She said they had her insurance card there and all I had to do was sign for it and drop it off to her house. So I went to pick it up for her and when I get there the pharmacist says there is no card and the bill was $20.00. I ended up not getting the script and left. She never called to ask what happened and life happened for me so I forgot to ask her about it. But I wonder still if she lied about the card and if she thought that I would have paid her bill for her anyhow. She still owes me money from 3 months ago when I helped her pay for her sons birthday party and still has not offered to pay any of it back. When we asked her about when she could pay us back she didn't give us an answer but more of an excuse and left us wondering if we would ever get our money back from her. I definitely dont' want to continue doing her favors just so I can get our money back. In a way I feel like it's worth it to let her keep the money and just not do any more favors for her.
I feel like this is not so much her issue as it is mine though. I really can't have someone who loves drama, always needs a ride, and only calls when they need a favor or money. It just doesn't work out being an "equal friendship". I have tried to be friends with her but whenever I try to have a conversation with her, she always says "I'll call you back" and don't you know, she never does, not until she needs a favor. So why should I do favors? I am not trying to be mean or selfish but I really don't feel like I have room in my life to be carting people around who don't appreciate favors like a friend would. And I certainly don't want to be someones last resort. I am sure that would make anyone feel hurt and ya know, I have friends and I dont' need this.I dont' need anyone to complicate life any more than it already is if I can avoid it, ya know? I don't know why she continues to think that I want to continuosly do favors for her and I never even get a friendly "how are you doing" or a visit, a call (or a call back) or even the time of day, for that matter, unless it's good for her.

Do you think I am wrong for saying no or feeling this way?

okay- rant over and now I am off to tidy up in preparation for being creative! I got my SoML kit in the mail yesterday. I am so excited to get to scrappin'. I really wish I didn't have to clean cause I really feel like making a mess!


Vee said...

it is draining to be around people that only "want" and never give so I can totally understand.
hope your cleaning goes well.
i need to so clean my space :)

Eminepala said...

you are totally right by saying no. it's not selfish at all.. i have couple of people around me who are just like that...

you made the right decision ;)

mary h. said...

OH MY! Sending big hugs your way. The only way I'd say ok is if it wasn't going to interfer in other parts of your life. Sounds to me like you've said yes a lot and now she expects you to always say yes. Have you told her how you feel?

Marie said...

You are in the right! We all have that one family memeber (or 2)that is that way. I feel ur pain! I so need to clean my desk. I hate to do it because i feel like i just make a bigger mess in about 5 mins! hahah. And my kids hardly ever pick up their dang messes! I have to tell them like 20 times. I hate cleanning i need a maid! LMAO!

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